Reader's Advisory Advice

Does anyone actually enjoy doing "reader's advisory"? I mean, for all intents and purposes, to my mind, the phrase is a contradiction in terms--as all those who read enough to be called 'readers' take responsability for their own education and media exposure and thus don't need advice--and so "reader's advisory" as a concept shouldn't be used.

Well, I don't much like doing it. In fact, when I click that RA customer service bubble, I'm more cynical and misanthropic than at almost any time in my life, because my faith in the intelligence of the Joe Punch-clocks and the Sally House-coats of the world has just been diminished that much more. I'll admit that perhaps I'm just lousy at it and need more training, but seriously. What sort of person goes to a library not knowing what they want to read about?

I classify such persons into several groups, based on demographics I myself have observed and noted down:

1. Middle-Aged women with nothing better to do than read ghost-written crap. You all know who these are. And you dread them coming to the Information desk because you know they're going to be there for 15 minutes or more, talking to you about their son's new barbeque or how they got a hip replacement; and how they need something to kill time while they sit in their pastel-colored houses and drink diet soda and watch Oprah. These people should be discouraged from coming to the library, but they are in reality our main patrons. Without them we might not have jobs, so give them something from the Adult fiction section like Maeve Binchy or Danielle Steel. Give these people large stacks of crappy literature so that the circs from your section will be up and send them away.


2. Single parents (ostensibly or otherwise) trying to find books for their badly-behaved and unintelligent offsping (who don't like to read anyway). Okay, these might actually be my personal least favorite because they always say stupid stuff like "I need a girl's book" or "Do you have books about sports for my son?", which automatically shuts off my brain. If it was up to me, these people would be banned from ever handling or talking about literature, but I'm not (yet) the dictator imperatum for this planet, so that will have to wait. I will never understand why a person would want to segregate their child's reading experience based on their child's physical sex, but hey, there's a lot about breeders I don't understand. Give these troglodytes something akin to what they ask for. "Girl's book" means emotion-driven plot and/or domestic drama (books about Barbie, ponies, dolls, best friends, or something by one of the Brontes if the kid is older), while "boy's book" can be translated as any book with a male as the main character (if this fails, hand them something with a picture of trucks, wild animals, or wrestling on the cover).

3. Religious and/or crazy people. Sometimes adults will come up to me, hand me a book off the shelf, and say "I want to read this. Can you tell me if it has any bad words in it?" Whoa nelly! If I could see my face when that happens, I'm sure it would make me laugh. I say, as deadpan as possible: "I don't think about language the way you do, so I'm not sure what you mean by bad words. Maybe your pastor/rabbi/ayatollah could recommend something for you to read?" I get this really gross feeling inside when someone asks for "Christian fiction" too. If the person presses the issue, you can look up the book's Lexile and tell them for which grade level the book was intended.

4. Horny celibates who don't have the gumption to just go to the porn store. I don't know why these unfortunates need to make it seem like they're not actually browsing in the Romance section, but some people must feel guilty about it, because I get these folks asking me for stuff all the time. One lady came in once and said "My mother likes reading about vampires and the supernatural, but sort of racy, you know?" Oh, I know. You don't want books for your mother, you want books for yourself, weirdo. Bring these people to the Romance section and tell them which publishers write the kind of stuff they're looking for.

5. Teenaged "Goths". When I was a teenaged goth, things were different. We didn't go up to our librarians and tell them we wanted to read about demons or witchcraft and ask for recommendations. We went to the bookstore and stole the Lesser Key of Solomon the King or books by Mathers, took to the fields and did some barbarous invocations ourselves, for pete's sake! Why do kids think that alternative-looking librarians will find them interesting if they talk about their now-banal interest in the occult? Give these miscreants something vanilla from the Llewellyn catalogue, like D. J. Conway, Ray Buckland or Scott Cunningham. BCPL doesn't carry anything by Crowley, Mathers, or Bonnewitz, so they won't find anything that they can actually do damage with.

6. Non-English-Speakers. That is to say, folks whose primary language of facility isn't English. I personally feel that it's my duty as a librarian to give them literature that will make my language seem interesting and engaging--because I hear it's not a user-friendly language to learn. I've learned that it's best to take these folks to whatever non-fiction section most sparks their interest and give them a J book from there. They like Gorillas? Head for the 500s. Gardening? Mid 600s. If THAT fails, take them to the Juvenile fiction section and hand them some easy reads, like Dr. Seuss, Arnold Lobel, or Eric Carle. If they need something less Juvenile, perhaps some Dahl, Craighead-George, or Lowry.

7. People who can only speak in vague terminology:

"Oh, you know. Something funny."
"Could you be any more specific?"
"No, just something that makes you laugh, something light."
"Fannie Flagg writes humorous books. . ."
"I hate Fannie Flagg."
"What did you last read that you enjoyed?"
"I don't like to read, I just want something to take to the beach with me."
"So something that's a quick read?"
"No, I need something that's going to take my mind off. . ." etc.

You've all had this interview. It usually takes anywhere from 15 to 45 minutes, before the customer walks away with something they intend to check out, or just walks away. They're never satisfied, really, because they don't know what they want or, at least, can't express what they want or think concisely. The key to helping these customers is to get them out of the library as soon as possible so you can spend your time on customers that might actually benefit from literature. This process is known as triage.

8. Everyone Else. For everyone else, try to find out what the person last read that they enjoyed, look it up on Amazon.com, and find what else people purchased who purchased that item. Honestly, it works like a charm. You could also use Librarything.com, but for the advice function to work, you have to input at least the last five books they enjoyed. Use your judgement--if the person is going to take a lot of your time anyway, you might as well go ahead and use Librarything.